Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
