Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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