I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
that's an acceptable place to lick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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