i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
