what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just google imaged poop.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
