Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
