I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
