I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
