Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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