HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
