how can u be prego again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize