We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize