I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sorry about my life...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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