you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
