Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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