Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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