I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
