my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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