The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
