Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
