Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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