Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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