Don't you send me to vm
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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