yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
