bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
