So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
