I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
