just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
and you fell through a lawn chair
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
