We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
