I cockslap morals
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
