i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
