You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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