If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
