my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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