Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
