fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
