Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
