it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
