Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize