There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
