please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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