Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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