I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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