i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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