i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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