Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
