Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
