mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
