I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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