im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
