i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
