I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
