i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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