I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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