I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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