apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
