I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
