dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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