Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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