Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
