just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
