How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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