Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
