I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
