I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
