I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just threw up on my dentist
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize