And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
