Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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