I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
