hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
