Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
