Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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