just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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