i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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