I feel like I'm in dance class right now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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