so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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